(Note: this is part 2 of my post)
How do we avoid pain? First, we have to understand what true love is. Understanding love is not easy. It takes faith, maturity and acceptance. It took me 34 years to finally understand what love is. Because true love is not what most of us think it is. When you fall in love, you fall in love without expecting too much that you will be loved back in a manner that you want it to be. When we expect something from the other person, that is not love but ego. Ego confuses us so we wouldn’t see what true love is.
Ego makes us crave, thus there is lust and the need for physical attachment. We think that there is no love without the other person. When your love is anchored externally, you’ll lose control of it and pain sets in. Every time you feel pain, it means you are holding on to your ego. So let go of ego and you’ll feel true love. Does this mean that when we have true love, we will not feel pain? No. We will feel pain but this pain is called compassionate pain. It is a kind of pain that has no roots, no clinging, no attachment. It is like seeing a young child crying because she spilled her ice cream on the floor. We feel for the child. Some of us may buy her another ice cream. But once we reach home or office, we forgot about the child and we go back doing our daily chores.
Second, everything in this world is changing. A tadpole becomes a frog. A seed becomes a tree. A baby becomes a man. A cold weather becomes warm. Everything is changing including people’s attitude. You may be helping a beggar today but tomorrow you are shouting at your our co-worker. Nothing is the same in this world. The person you fall in love with will not be the same person when he/she wakes up the next morning because all the experiences he/she had today will affect his/her tomorrow. You are not the same you from one hour ago because you read something here at EP and it somehow influenced you. So, never think that the person you fall in love with today will still be the same after three months. Something in us will constantly change. Just as nature constantly change. When you learn to accept this fact, it will be easier for you to accept the other person and the situation.
Lastly, true love is not about others but about you. Ask yourself these: Have you ever been jealous? Have you ever been proud? Have you been envious? Have you become arrogant? Have you become insensitive? Have you become tempted? If you answered yes in any of these, then you just bought several ingredients to cook pain not love. I love the Christian Bible’s definition of love in Corinthians. Whenever I want to check myself if what I feel is love or ego, I look up to those Corinthian verses.